Guess who wears the pants in the family

At one point over the weekend, Maudie and Daddy were playing with Maudie's musical drum. Maudie lost interest in the game and Daddy was silly and threw the drum down on the floor. This upset Maudie immensely. She took a moment, went to calm down with a drink of milk and marched back into the living room. There she stood in front of Chris with her hand on her hip and finger shaking in his face. In her most serious voice she yells "TIME OUT DAD!" Chris and I looked at each other trying not to laugh while Maudie led him to the stair (our time out spot). Daddy was in blatant violation of the 'treating toys with respect' rule and he had no choice but to sit in time out. Now, the standard time out penalty is usually 1-minute per year in age. That's 31 minutes for Daddy. After roughly a minute in time out Maudie explained to Daddy that we don't throw our toys and he needs to play gentle. She followed the lecture with the standard kiss and hug make up session.

Insert clever title here...

I'm beginning to think I need to sleep with a life preserver on at night. My drooling could put a St. Bernard to shame and my snoring could challenge that of a short-snouted pug. I wake up ever couple of hours with a puddle forming on my pillow (note to self, wash pillowcase). I'm not sure what is causing this... the lack of restful sleep, the swollen jowls, or the fact that I can only sleep in one position. If the drowning doesn't kill me, I may float away on the pool of sweat that accumulates around me. It doesn't help that it was in the 80's yesterday and I was not allowed to turn the air conditioner on yet (Chris thinks it's ridiculous to go from heat to AC, I think it's ridiculous to live like a cave man). The sweating phenomenon doesn't just happen at night. The other day while working in the lab, I had to get up from my bench and stand in the walk-in freezer (-20 degrees C) just to cool down. I didn't leave the freezer until images of the tongue/pole scene from "Christmas Story" flashed in my mind as I pressed my back against the frosty stainless-steel walls. Try to explain that one to your boss.

I had my last mandatory OB appointment before delivery today. Everything is fine, although I find it less then humorous that none of the medical professionals take an interest in my grocery list of complaints. If I have to hear, "that's just another joy of pregnancy" again, I'm going to take someone hostage. All kidding aside, we're both doing good. My blood pressure is spot on and his heart rate is perfect. At 37 weeks, I suspect he has already surpassed his sisters' birth weight. She was a tiny 5.5lbs when she arrived at 36.5 weeks. My fundal measurement today was 39cm... almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule. Not that it matters... I'm not going to be pushing him out. I'd much rather have a healthy, plump baby than another tiny peanut.

Speaking of the peanut, she's been going thru some phases that I would've rather avoided. First of all, she thinks that 1:30 AM is party time. Sorry kiddo... nothing good happens after midnight (at least not until college). Last night after 4 hours and 3 trips upstairs to her big-girl bed, I finally let her watch 'baby tv' (educational programs for toddlers) just so I could get a little sleep. I did manage to sleep until she tugged on my hair to ask me what that noise was... honey, those are the birds chirping because the SUN IS RISING!!

She has been pretty funny with the dogs lately. She pays them more attention now, smothers them with hugs and kisses, and attempts to play 'fetch' with them. I use the term 'fetch' loosely. It's more a game of 'steal the toy and run away' but he dogs seem to love it. And Maudie loves when they chase her. On the rare occasion that she does toss them the toy, she usually races them to fetch it up. Olive is pretty fast and can usually outpace her and blocks her out with a swift pivot action. This is where her second phase comes in.... whining. She whines for everything lately and it's driving me nuts! I guess most toddlers go thru this, but man! it can wear on my nerves. Just wait until she's 17, right?

I leave him alone for one night

So, I decided to take a 'girls night out' with my friend Kristeen last night. We were just going to dinner, a quick stop at Target, then back home. Well, dinner was awesome. We had finished the appetizer and were half-way thru the Asian Chicken Salad when my phone beeps with a picture message. This is what I get in my mailbox...

"Arts and Crafts Night with Daddy"

Moms like us

My good friend, Ange, and I are both expecting within a week or so of each other. We spend a good part of each day ranting back and forth about the joys of pregnancy. I wish I would've saved all the emails because it would've made one hell of a book...finally a realistic "What to expect when you're expecting" book. It would start a few weeks before we were pregnant when discussions revolved around "If I'm knocked up, I'm not taking a test until after my 30th birthday" to "On the count of three, text me your pee stick results" to begging our OB/GYN to induce Ange on my c-section date so that we can hang in the hospital together.

Don't get me wrong, we both planned on having a second child (our firsts were born within a few months of each other) and were thrilled to find out we were expecting. However, we now realize how quickly we forgot about the exhaustion (coma), morning sickness (put our freshmen year hang-overs to shame), cravings (binging in our cars), mood swings (borderline bipolar syndrome), swollen feet (cankles), and kicks to the cervix (black belt karate) after our precious first borns were delivered. To top it off, we both missed out on the good part of pregnancy this time... no horny part, no natural glow, no nesting instincts to clean our house.

For your entertainment, here is a snippet from a recent email after a coworker went into labor early...

"I do believe it was about this time during my last pregnancy I was obsessing about going into labor. I’m now doing it again. I sneeze and think, “Did my water break?” No. I just peed myself. I laugh and think, “Is that my water breaking?” Nope, peed myself again. One contraction and I think, ”Is this it?!” No, I’m a crazy dumbass. I walk and feel wet and I think, “Holy shit! This is it I have to go to the bathroom my water broke!” Wrong again, my fat ass legs are sweating from rubbing them together while I walk.

I think it’s cruel to be pregnant this long. WTF!

And those bitches who naturally go early can kiss my ass (unless I become one of them soon)."

I know there are lots of experienced mothers who read this blog. I would like to invite you to add a comment to this post with your "favorite" memory of pregnancy.

22 Days to go!

There is light at the end of the tunnel! 22 days until my scheduled C-Section, unless of course I go into labor earlier... which I can only hope is the case.

I did a lot this weekend to get ready to Charlie's arrival. I was able to make two "sets" for the hospital including a blanket and monogrammed kimono. Each set has a matching hat, one from Esty the other from Gramma J. Feels so good to get that out of the way. I finally found an appropriate coming home outfit too.

We had a special little moment on Mother's Day morning. Charlie had the hiccups and I called Chris over to feel the rhythm of his bounce. Maudie was curious as to what we were feeling around for, so I put her hand again what I thought was Charlie's butt so she could feel it too. I had tried to get her to feel his kicks before now, but her attention span was never long enough to catch him in action....until this time. She was startled by the first 'bump' but she continued to feel the hiccups. Every time she felt him move she let out a little high-pitched 'boop' so I know she felt them. It was a wonderful way to wake up on Mother's Day morning (forgive the photo, I still have bed head and a puffy face)

Maudie's Concert Debut....

Maudie got a happy meal for dinner....before you send nasty comments to me, it was from the all-healthy, low sodium, no-fat, organic McDonalds in Waunakee. On the side of the box was a cut-out microphone. It's true what they say....kids will play with the box. She had no interest in the Ronald McDonald riding a bike toy. Here was our dinner entertainment....



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