Moms like us

My good friend, Ange, and I are both expecting within a week or so of each other. We spend a good part of each day ranting back and forth about the joys of pregnancy. I wish I would've saved all the emails because it would've made one hell of a book...finally a realistic "What to expect when you're expecting" book. It would start a few weeks before we were pregnant when discussions revolved around "If I'm knocked up, I'm not taking a test until after my 30th birthday" to "On the count of three, text me your pee stick results" to begging our OB/GYN to induce Ange on my c-section date so that we can hang in the hospital together.

Don't get me wrong, we both planned on having a second child (our firsts were born within a few months of each other) and were thrilled to find out we were expecting. However, we now realize how quickly we forgot about the exhaustion (coma), morning sickness (put our freshmen year hang-overs to shame), cravings (binging in our cars), mood swings (borderline bipolar syndrome), swollen feet (cankles), and kicks to the cervix (black belt karate) after our precious first borns were delivered. To top it off, we both missed out on the good part of pregnancy this time... no horny part, no natural glow, no nesting instincts to clean our house.

For your entertainment, here is a snippet from a recent email after a coworker went into labor early...

"I do believe it was about this time during my last pregnancy I was obsessing about going into labor. I’m now doing it again. I sneeze and think, “Did my water break?” No. I just peed myself. I laugh and think, “Is that my water breaking?” Nope, peed myself again. One contraction and I think, ”Is this it?!” No, I’m a crazy dumbass. I walk and feel wet and I think, “Holy shit! This is it I have to go to the bathroom my water broke!” Wrong again, my fat ass legs are sweating from rubbing them together while I walk.

I think it’s cruel to be pregnant this long. WTF!

And those bitches who naturally go early can kiss my ass (unless I become one of them soon)."

I know there are lots of experienced mothers who read this blog. I would like to invite you to add a comment to this post with your "favorite" memory of pregnancy.